How To Become Free

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How having new hair reminded me of one of Buddha’s greatest teachings!

This last week I worked on a TV show and they dyed my hair brown and chopped it off. I know this is going to sound really silly but this kinda shocked me and I even had nightmares about the experience….hahaha. Even I, found this to be a little ridiculous so I started to question these emotions I was having surrounding my hair.

I had been blonde for 13 years and without knowing it, I identified myself as a blonde. I thought being blonde made me more beautiful. It was my identification with the hair color that caused a form of pain and suffering.

This was a great reminder of one of Buddha’s great teaching about identifying and grasping. We must try our best to be conscious and not identify ourselves with anything. When we grasp at things and make them part of our identity, we loose ourselves because we are no longer connecting to our higher self/ soul.

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30 thoughts on “How To Become Free

  1. Alex I'Anson says:

    I think when it comes to identity, you have to strike a careful balance,
    otherwise you will cling to trivial aspects of your persona.

    I hope I don’t insult anyone with this next sentence. Skin colour to me is
    something I seriously do not care about, black, white, olive, whatever, I
    do not give a crap, each are beautiful in their own way. So when I see
    people clinging to their skin colour for their identity, I seriously have
    to wonder why, i’ve never had to consciously think about my skin colour in
    any context. Perhaps that is something being white in a fundamentally white
    country gives you, but I also imagine it’s something being black in a
    fundamentally black country gives you too.

    I think this moves onto claiming what is stigmatised as your own. I mean,
    that’s why we have gay pride. I’ve never been proud of being gay, not
    because I haven’t accepted myself, i’m happy with who I am sexually… it’s
    just that being gay is just another part of me, it would be like saying
    that i’m proud to be green eyed or brown haired, it just doesn’t make sense
    to me. I should be proud about things I’ve accomplished, not about things I
    just am. I have received homophobic persecution, so not being proud of my
    sexual orientation isn’t that i’ve just been sailing through life.

    I agree with the sentiments of the godly stuff, of where we are and where
    we should be, and you only have to look on the news with all these wars,
    and “reality” tv shows to know that we really aren’t where we should be.
    I’m willing to bet that identity has a lot to do with it.

    I learned something from another Youtube who i’m subscribed to called
    CGPGrey, he’s one of the group of educational celebrity Youtubers. He said
    that you shouldn’t identify with your opinions, instead they should be
    contained within an open box, to which opinions can be swapped out for
    better ones if they come along. I think this is also true for identities.
    Things you enjoy, have ritualised or are a part of you, should not, by
    default, be a part of your identity. If you choose to identify yourself
    that way, that’s your right.

    EDIT: Oh yeah, love the new hair 🙂

  2. John Dominique says:

    Yes, I think you are exactly right! Why are you NOT the first female pope?
    We need this kind of information to be told to a much wider audience. I
    think the attachment to the identification causes the most suffering. I am
    still identified with being a spiritual person, a musician, a good
    employee, a U.S. citizen, etc. but when I am unable to let go of this
    personality that I take myself to be, then I have problems. Simple but not
    easy. I love your stuff and the way you come across. It’s so down-to-earth
    and you make it sound cool without over-thinking. How did you get so smart
    BTW?

  3. Laurie Marinelli says:

    It’s so funny that you are sharing from this “grief” space associated with
    identification…I am in a similar space. I have been and RN for 29 years
    and running my butt of for 10-15 hours was the norm. In late June of this
    year I fell down the stairs and tore all the ligaments and tendons in my
    left ankle…I may never be able to work as an RN in the way I had been. My
    identity as self sufficient and independent has been quite jostled! I spent
    all my savings, lost my apartment and had to move to my parents home. There
    is nothing like moving back in with your parents at age 51 to bring up
    unresolved karma!!! It has been a whirlwind of grief and trauma…..and
    PANIC ATTACKS! I have learned a level of strength that I did not know I
    possessed, I have learned that as long as I am working in true service of
    others and continue to live my life from a consciously loving intentioned
    space that I WILL ALWAYS HAVE WHAT I NEED!!! Anyway, thank you for finding
    this meaning in your circumstances. There is truly a liberation in letting
    go. God Bless YOU! xoxoxox

  4. Laurie Marinelli says:

    Becoming attached to anything limits our ability to learn, become, achieve
    or succeed…..when we become attached in a limited, finite body to limited
    finite things or experiences then we attract limited finite expressions of
    abundance. It is in letting go of the attachment, that we take the reigns
    off of the God within us and we are in a space to attract abundance in and
    infinite fashion.

  5. latent1234 says:

    This resonates with me. In the past, I chopped my hair off entirely on
    purpose to face the biggest fear I could think of at the time. After the
    shock I loved it. No nightmares. The strange realisation that I identified
    as having hair as important…. but later not giving a rats ass about it.
    These days I am always hoping that somebody will place a big bet on me
    being afraid to cut my hair. I would take the bet and take the money within
    a heartbeat, without worries.

    Do what you fear most and the death of fear is certain – Emersone.

  6. JakesShowcase says:

    Your hair is cute and you look good as a brunette. I’m really happy you’ve
    got on a TV show. It’s a start right. Your eyes face and spirit are what
    make you shine. Keep it up. Jake

  7. lovelife02 says:

    I love the hair!, my first impression of the hair change was that it gives
    you more of a stronger woman look, as the blond gives you more of a softer
    look, although it did not change your personality I think you may find that
    people will take you more seriously with this look.

  8. Accidental49 says:

    Impermanence is an undeniable and inescapable fact of human
    existence. According to the teachings of the Buddha, life is comparable to
    a river. It is a progressive moment, a successive series of different
    moments, joining together in continuous flow. It is a fallacy to believe
    that a person would remain the same person during their entire life time.

  9. Latonya Inman says:

    You are not wrong you are so on point. I feel you. And, yes the brunette is a much prettier look, the blond wasn’t bad but the brunette, I like.

  10. into me see lisa says:

    you look even more beautiful than before. i just ant to say that you make
    so much sence to me, infact everyone around me does random people i meet i
    can relate in some profound way. the last few weeks have been filled with
    amazing realizations
    very emotional , like i understand everything. so beaytiful, you played a
    part im my awakening, so thank you for sharing yourself!!

  11. MichaelSerial says:

    I know what you mean! I was once a blonde, and went back to dark brown. I
    love your channel, I see great success in your future. Your very helpful.

  12. Regal Ace says:

    Black hair and a gothic type look and skirt could be an interesting look as
    well. But I like your advice and spirit the most 🙂

  13. Chris Breault says:

    The new hair color looks great on you! You sound unsure of your own beliefs
    when you say “I believe, but I could be wrong…”. Just an observation. I
    think we can have confidence in what we believe and yet be open and
    flexible for new discoveries. 🙂 I enjoy your videos very much.

  14. Shannon Ingraham says:

    Your hair looks great! Sometimes you need a change… its an opportunity to
    reinvent yourself. I find that whenever I get something new like new
    clothes, I’m inspired to clean out my closet…the introduction of
    something new to something old makes me want to reorganize, recharge and
    clear up things. Whenever I add a decorative item to my space, it inspires
    me to organize and redecorate so my new item can look good in that space. A
    new hairstyle and or new look helps in the same way. And just like a
    hairstyle or color, if you get tired of the decoration you can always
    change it back to the way you had it.

  15. hawai499 says:

    Whatever color of your hair you choose will be great if you feel great,
    much more important is that you have awesome positive energy.

  16. ADAM KINCAID says:

    If changing your hair color gives you a sense of freedom great. I have
    shaved off half my hair and half my face. It is my outward expression of my
    real self and my disease. This is how I identify myself and soon it will be
    my new norm. I know I don’t play with a full deck and I’m half the man I
    used to be, or at least my wholeness will come in time. Maybe or maybe not.

  17. Orion Xavier says:

    It sounds like you’re describing the Buddhist concept of “attachment”. The
    ego and identity are our lesser self. Our higher self recognizes and
    accepts that the universe is *change.* Yet our lesser self is constantly
    trying to find normalcy, to live with some certainty and to derive pleasure
    from that.

    One form of Buddhism teaches that it’s not practical to seek freedom in
    removing all attachments. Since attachment is natural, just as it is
    natural for us to have an ego and identity (even though they are
    problematic). Instead, we should embrace the changes that upset our
    attachments, in order to appreciate the interconnected nature of life.

    I think this is best exemplified in which we often reject people or things
    that are different from us, or our social circles. We like to think we know
    best, in how we place value on people and things. But their value is always
    changing, based on our interconnected nature. One day someone can be a fat
    slob, and the next day become one of the greatest comedians. This process
    of assigning value is what gives us happiness, and is the basis of
    friendships or romantic relationships.

    But as people discover, life is about change. That person you thought you
    were in love with changes and they’re not the person you loved. Or, maybe
    the greatest love comes from accepting and appreciating these changes. That
    someone, or something, should not be required to remain static in favor of
    what you believe it “should” be.

  18. Orion Xavier says:

    I like to think that we are God, too. And that we manifest this reality in
    a constant flux of change, like a kaleidoscope. The universe is change,
    each change is connected to others, like fractal patterns. All energy and
    matter simply change in form, but nothing is destroyed or created.

  19. Orion Xavier says:

    You look nice as a brunette. It’s a different look, particularly with the
    eyeliner. I think the strongest impression I get, is that it commands
    respect. Although how your body language has changed accordingly, also
    influences that impression. Brunettes usually give me the impression of
    being more serious and intellectual. Whereas blondes are more carefree and
    exuberant.

    I think they could have cut your hair even more and it would have turned
    out better. About “medium length” or just less than shoulder length would
    be good.

  20. Superrich Visuals says:

    “I believe we are all God expressing ourselves in human form” I believe
    this too, because every single person on this planet has a purpose, and
    with that purpose, we all have to power to affect things and people in our
    lives, physically and spiritually. I’m glad you commented on my amateur rap
    video LOL! subscribed

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