How To Stop Needing Validation From Others

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One of the hardest and most liberating lessons to learn in life is, “the only person you need validation from is you.” I spent much of my life trying to seek approval from everyone around me. I needed to know that I was “okay,” “that I was approved of”. But through the years of seeking approval from others and getting it, the hole inside me just grew bigger and deeper. No matter how much approval I got, it didn’t fill the void because what I needed was my own approval and self love. I needed to tell myself and believe that I was good enough and worthy.

In this video, I talk about my journey toward self validation and self love!

Please leave your comments and share your stories! I want to know what you think 🙂

19 thoughts on “How To Stop Needing Validation From Others

  1. Avatar
    Orion Xavier says:

    According to psychology, validation is a good thing.

    “Validation means to express understanding and acceptance of another
    person’s internal experience, whatever that might be. Validation does not
    mean you agree or approve. Validation builds relationships and helps ease
    upset feelings. Knowing that you are understood and that your emotions and
    thoughts are accepted by others is powerful. Validation is like
    relationship glue.”

    From your examples it seems you’re talking about something else. What
    you’re describing is trying to find out how you’re appreciated by others,
    or discovering the ways in which you are relatable to others. That’s where
    the desire to be “normal” and accepted comes from.

    And the opinion of others IS important, in the company of others. In other
    words your value as a person is subjective to the opinion of others. So you
    can be just “average” to one person, and to another person you can be a
    “hottie”. But in our ever increasing desire to relate to others; be social,
    we want to be more of the latter. Not because we need people to value and
    appreciate us. Because we want them to.

    The distinction is in where the desire is created, out of desperation or
    “need”, or out of love, or “desire”. As social animals we want to relate,
    to get along, to love one another, to share happiness. That’s just natural.
    Wanting to be the epitome of this is also natural, from an
    evolutionary/genetic standpoint.

    When it’s out of desperation, it’s because you don’t love yourself. And so
    you desperately need other people to convince you that you’re lovable.

    I also have to wonder if that is also genetic, in how we recognize flaws in
    our self, physical or otherwise, that our brain is trained to react to with
    depression and other feelings to inhibit reproduction, and to withdraw from
    (the safety of) others. So that only the people without serious genetic
    flaws will survive and reproduce in the greatest numbers. But that instinct
    came from a time when genetic flaws were a threat to evolution and
    survival, but is now no longer necessary.. Because we’re evolving more
    through consciousness than physical traits.

  2. Avatar
    latent1234 says:

    I like the concept of the video and agree wholeheartedly with most of what
    you said apart from the part that we do not need validation from others. We
    all need some ego stroke at times. But I think the video is more about not
    trying to seek approval/ validation. It is also usually not very effective
    anyway, as I think you pointed out in your video. Personally, I think this
    sense of needingness or validation is a blessing in disguise because it
    gives you the opportunity to explore more beneficial ways to explore how
    you can fulfill your needs. But you have to be aware that you are seeking
    approval/validation in the first place. To me, I think most people, don’t.
    Myself I have catched myself doing it more often, so my awareness detectors
    have grown.

    I feel this topic has a lot to do with the so called concept of
    self-consciousness, but I may be wrong. Anyway, after reading that
    self-conciousness is really other-consciousness in the Cybernetics book by
    Maxwell Maltz my self-awareness shooted through the roof.

  3. Avatar
    Fahad Al-Faris says:

    ppl at all ages need validation say for ex. :Validation is a powerful
    tool to help build empathy, self-acceptance and resiliency in children.

  4. Avatar
    Krystle Glam says:

    Great video!! Its so important to love yourself! I just posted a self care
    video as well. Check it out and let me know what you think ( : Like and
    subscribe & I will subscribe back <3 xoxoxo

  5. Avatar
    Alex I'Anson says:

    I think it has something to do with the fact that we are social creatures
    and so we require social validity; and I think that the examples that you
    gave in the video are a mix of anxiety and craving acknowledgement.

    It’s natural for us all to crave acknowledgement, it’s what we all do after
    we have created something, we want others to see it. But anxiety is not so
    natural, at least when experiencing it chronically, so when the two mix
    together, it can turn someone into an emotional wreck.

    In the end, the whole issue is based around socialising, your social
    status, blah blah blah. It’s all in your head. Or, more accurately, it’s
    all in everyone’s head. You don’t have to pay attention to that and it’s
    liberating to let go of it.

    I’m going to amend something to your first point at 4:27, because I imagine
    those who haven’t done this process before might not know what “enjoy(ing)
    being with yourself” actually means. It doesn’t mean being alone, having a
    lack of company. What it means is that you can enjoy being alone with
    nothing but your own mind, your thoughts, your emotions, your psyche. I’ve
    known a few people that like being alone but can never find solitude from
    it, so are instead always distracting themselves with something.

  6. Avatar
    Stephanie Burch says:

    You are so right. Thank you for the reminder. You are super cool (sorry,
    just being honest. Not trying to validate ;). And do a great service with
    your videos. I can’t wait to come to LA someday and have a drink with you!

  7. Avatar
    The purple ender troller says:

    hello. I have banned from my channel for trying to get subs off my videos.
    you have been banned

  8. Avatar
    Regal Ace says:

    Hmm *scratches chin* seems like me you have self conscious paranoid
    behavior patterns. Trying to fill in the gaps with a scenario which may or
    may not be true. I.. it’s hard not to keep thinkin. I want to solve things
    so my mind keeps going lol.

  9. Avatar
    Nefertari says:

    I have to say that to an etend I agree with you. But as someone before me
    has already said we need some ego strokes. The difference as I see it looks
    like a tightrope over a precipice – yes, you are right that when we are
    full on the inside there is no need for validation from the outside. But
    outter validation is refreshing and the trick is to learn how to accept it
    without growing in dependency for it. And I believe that is what most
    people experience and this is the root of the problem – they have built
    their whole entity over someone else’s validation and depend on it.

  10. Avatar
    Rouge Lioness says:

    So true! There are a lot of people that seek validation and don’t realize
    it because they’ve conditioned themselves into thinking that someone should
    compliment or comment after every task or action. I see people do this a
    lot with their bosses, their partners, and friends. I teach my little one
    not to accept anything after doing a good deed, but be humble and
    appreciative if she does receive a compliment.

    Good job on your videos! I’ve watched some this morning and really like
    them!

  11. Avatar
    Katie D says:

    I used to totally need validation from my friends. A few years ago I LOVED
    rompers. My friend told me that they looked silly and laughed at me for
    wearing them. I boxed them up and never wore one again. Fast forward to
    now– The same friend that poked fun at me for rompers now loves them
    herself and wears them all the time….so what? it’s “okay” for me to like
    them now?…

    I look back and think about how I’ve put off things I really liked to
    wanted to do just because it wasn’t justified by someone else at the
    current time. Why should it matter! I know my example is a silly one, but
    it definitely puts things in perspective for me!

    Thanks for all your awesome videos!

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