People & Blogs
How To Stop Needing Validation From Others
One of the hardest and most liberating lessons to learn in life is, “the only person you need validation from is you.” I spent much of my life trying to seek approval from everyone around me. I needed to know that I was “okay,” “that I was approved of”. But through the years of seeking approval from others and getting it, the hole inside me just grew bigger and deeper. No matter how much approval I got, it didn’t fill the void because what I needed was my own approval and self love. I needed to tell myself and believe that I was good enough and worthy.
In this video, I talk about my journey toward self validation and self love!
Please leave your comments and share your stories! I want to know what you think 🙂
The Only Person You Need Validation From Is You!
Nicely done 😉
According to psychology, validation is a good thing.
“Validation means to express understanding and acceptance of another
person’s internal experience, whatever that might be. Validation does not
mean you agree or approve. Validation builds relationships and helps ease
upset feelings. Knowing that you are understood and that your emotions and
thoughts are accepted by others is powerful. Validation is like
relationship glue.”
From your examples it seems you’re talking about something else. What
you’re describing is trying to find out how you’re appreciated by others,
or discovering the ways in which you are relatable to others. That’s where
the desire to be “normal” and accepted comes from.
And the opinion of others IS important, in the company of others. In other
words your value as a person is subjective to the opinion of others. So you
can be just “average” to one person, and to another person you can be a
“hottie”. But in our ever increasing desire to relate to others; be social,
we want to be more of the latter. Not because we need people to value and
appreciate us. Because we want them to.
The distinction is in where the desire is created, out of desperation or
“need”, or out of love, or “desire”. As social animals we want to relate,
to get along, to love one another, to share happiness. That’s just natural.
Wanting to be the epitome of this is also natural, from an
evolutionary/genetic standpoint.
When it’s out of desperation, it’s because you don’t love yourself. And so
you desperately need other people to convince you that you’re lovable.
I also have to wonder if that is also genetic, in how we recognize flaws in
our self, physical or otherwise, that our brain is trained to react to with
depression and other feelings to inhibit reproduction, and to withdraw from
(the safety of) others. So that only the people without serious genetic
flaws will survive and reproduce in the greatest numbers. But that instinct
came from a time when genetic flaws were a threat to evolution and
survival, but is now no longer necessary.. Because we’re evolving more
through consciousness than physical traits.
So true
I like the concept of the video and agree wholeheartedly with most of what
you said apart from the part that we do not need validation from others. We
all need some ego stroke at times. But I think the video is more about not
trying to seek approval/ validation. It is also usually not very effective
anyway, as I think you pointed out in your video. Personally, I think this
sense of needingness or validation is a blessing in disguise because it
gives you the opportunity to explore more beneficial ways to explore how
you can fulfill your needs. But you have to be aware that you are seeking
approval/validation in the first place. To me, I think most people, don’t.
Myself I have catched myself doing it more often, so my awareness detectors
have grown.
I feel this topic has a lot to do with the so called concept of
self-consciousness, but I may be wrong. Anyway, after reading that
self-conciousness is really other-consciousness in the Cybernetics book by
Maxwell Maltz my self-awareness shooted through the roof.
ppl at all ages need validation say for ex. :Validation is a powerful
tool to help build empathy, self-acceptance and resiliency in children.
If you like this! Check out my channel
https://www.youtube.com/c/TheLastSonHimself for weekly
motivational/spiritual/inspirational videos that are 100% real with no
bullshit or sugarcoating!
Great video!! Its so important to love yourself! I just posted a self care
video as well. Check it out and let me know what you think ( : Like and
subscribe & I will subscribe back <3 xoxoxo
I think it has something to do with the fact that we are social creatures
and so we require social validity; and I think that the examples that you
gave in the video are a mix of anxiety and craving acknowledgement.
It’s natural for us all to crave acknowledgement, it’s what we all do after
we have created something, we want others to see it. But anxiety is not so
natural, at least when experiencing it chronically, so when the two mix
together, it can turn someone into an emotional wreck.
In the end, the whole issue is based around socialising, your social
status, blah blah blah. It’s all in your head. Or, more accurately, it’s
all in everyone’s head. You don’t have to pay attention to that and it’s
liberating to let go of it.
I’m going to amend something to your first point at 4:27, because I imagine
those who haven’t done this process before might not know what “enjoy(ing)
being with yourself” actually means. It doesn’t mean being alone, having a
lack of company. What it means is that you can enjoy being alone with
nothing but your own mind, your thoughts, your emotions, your psyche. I’ve
known a few people that like being alone but can never find solitude from
it, so are instead always distracting themselves with something.
You are so right. Thank you for the reminder. You are super cool (sorry,
just being honest. Not trying to validate ;). And do a great service with
your videos. I can’t wait to come to LA someday and have a drink with you!
hello. I have banned from my channel for trying to get subs off my videos.
you have been banned
Hmm *scratches chin* seems like me you have self conscious paranoid
behavior patterns. Trying to fill in the gaps with a scenario which may or
may not be true. I.. it’s hard not to keep thinkin. I want to solve things
so my mind keeps going lol.
I have to say that to an etend I agree with you. But as someone before me
has already said we need some ego strokes. The difference as I see it looks
like a tightrope over a precipice – yes, you are right that when we are
full on the inside there is no need for validation from the outside. But
outter validation is refreshing and the trick is to learn how to accept it
without growing in dependency for it. And I believe that is what most
people experience and this is the root of the problem – they have built
their whole entity over someone else’s validation and depend on it.
I think these issues are best shared and worked on with by a professional.
So true! There are a lot of people that seek validation and don’t realize
it because they’ve conditioned themselves into thinking that someone should
compliment or comment after every task or action. I see people do this a
lot with their bosses, their partners, and friends. I teach my little one
not to accept anything after doing a good deed, but be humble and
appreciative if she does receive a compliment.
Good job on your videos! I’ve watched some this morning and really like
them!
Very true! Thank you for sharing your video with me. I’d give it 100 thumbs
up if I could!
This was an amazing video
I used to totally need validation from my friends. A few years ago I LOVED
rompers. My friend told me that they looked silly and laughed at me for
wearing them. I boxed them up and never wore one again. Fast forward to
now– The same friend that poked fun at me for rompers now loves them
herself and wears them all the time….so what? it’s “okay” for me to like
them now?…
I look back and think about how I’ve put off things I really liked to
wanted to do just because it wasn’t justified by someone else at the
current time. Why should it matter! I know my example is a silly one, but
it definitely puts things in perspective for me!
Thanks for all your awesome videos!